Living with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome - Am I cured?

Yesterday morning I woke up and felt absolutely great. Now don't get me wrong, it's not like I did not feel any pain. The pain was there, but just on the surface. I almost felt like I used to do, years ago, before I was struck with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. My mind was clear and I felt rested, something I have not felt in years. I was so happy, I was floating on air. I felt like such a burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I started to have these thoughts whirling around in my head; Am I cured? Perhaps this nightmare, I'm living night and day was now miraculous over?

Right after my morning coffee, I started do things, I had not done for so long. I baked bread, (no, I did not use a bread maker), I cleaned those hard to reach places, that's otherwise just too tiring to do by myself, I took a long walk with my dog, and I was actually running a few meters, just to remember how it felt like. I came back in, started to draw my illustrations, with no pain in my hands. I made a really nice dinner, because it was fun to cook again. I did all this in one day without laying down to rest in between. I felt like I had run into an old, dear friend, who I had not seen for years, and who had been dearly missed. Oh god, how good it felt to feel like the old me again.

Around two o'clock last night, I woke up, realizing the old Sannel was suddenly gone again, and I was back to my living nightmare. I can't help to wonder; what on earth did I do that actually made me feel like my old self yesterday? I wish I knew, because then I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Living with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome - I'm Not Giving Up!

Thank you Max for helping me through my days!

One year ago today, on April 17th, 2012, I was urgently hospitalized for severe depression. Years of pain and exhaustion, going from one doctor to another, who did not believe me, or having me try out medication for about anything and everything, that in the end made me feel like a test-lab rat, finally made me lose all my will to go on living. By not eating, I figured my heart would not take it in the end, and then my everyday excruciating pain and exhaustion would end. 

If it had not been for my husband at the time, and my best girlfriend, I do not think, I would be sitting here today. Because of their action, by taking me to the hospital where I was put under close surveillance and regularly fed, until I was strong enough - in my mind and body – I was then able to bounce back and
continue living my life again.

Being hit with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome has completely changed my life. From being a very active woman all my life, being in charge of myself, confident, self motivated and fun, I now feel useless, dependent and boring. I get really frustrated because I still feel like the old me but my body can't keep up. I get really tired and feel nobody really understands what a struggle it is to keep going. Life is not too much fun any more.

Not a second, a minute a day goes by, that I am not in pain. However, I have found ways to cope with most of the pain. But living in a permanent fog where I can't even think straight is affecting me and life in general. I am so tired all the time that I can't do much and I have stopped socializing more or less, due to widespread pain.

Looking back over the year, I'll admit, it has not been easy. I still suffer with excruciating pain and debilitating fatigue every single day and night. I still feel the depression creep up, and I have to fight it off through prayer, and my love for writing keeps my mind on track.

What has changed during this past year? Well, I'm not ready to give up. I love everything life has to offer. I was blessed with a life, and I'm so grateful waking up every morning to a new day. Yes, I admit, I really want the old me back, but until then, I will not give up on life that's so very precious.

Haiga by Sannel Larson

When Delilah Smiles - A Book Review

Click to Purchase from Amazon

"When Delilah Smiles," will capture your heart right from the start, and I'm certain that anyone who reads this book will fall in love with it as much as I did. This is the first book by Sunnie Day that I have purchased, and now, I can't wait to read more books from this impressive author.

As soon as I started to read this book, I literally could not put it down. Sunnie Day has a wonderful way of telling a story and it's impossible not to be drawn in and become one with the characters. "When Delilah Smiles," is a beautifully rendered story about love, heartbreak, disappointments, faith and forgiveness that left me smiling after drying my tears. 

I absolutely fell in love with the elegant, sweet cover picture, with its soothing colors and the white feather. The book cover has this velvety, soft feel to it, and just holding this book in my hands brings me a wonderful, warm feeling.
~  Sannel ~

Click to Purchase from Amazon

Book Description: (From Amazon.com)
Kate Moore and Adam Bennett had it all: successful careers, a comfortable lifestyle, and a deep love for each other. After living together for twelve years, Adam finally decides it's time to make their relationship official; he wants Kate to be his wife. When he presents a ring and the long-awaited proposal, Kate's unexpected announcement sends Adam reeling, and the ring goes back into his pocket.

Can love hold this middle-aged couple together when a surprise pregnancy demands serious choices? Adam Bennett, a 51-year-old successful attorney, is forced to face his own personal demons when confronted with fatherhood, Kate's high-risk pregnancy, and the doctor's report of potential disabilities. Will he follow in his father's footsteps and abandon Kate and his child, or will he step up and be the man Kate believes him to be?

A respected journalist, Kate Moore never expected to have a child. Even more unexpected is Adam's response to the news that he is going to be a father. Kate tackles not only having a baby late in life but finds out that Delilah is blind and deaf, forever changing the person Kate was and will be.

Can love prevail between these divided parents? Can Delilah thrive in her dark and silent world? Travel along as they encounter tragedy and those who touch their lives in extraordinary ways. There are no doubts that all will be well ... When Delilah smiles.

Click to purchase from Amazon

Book title: When Delilah Smiles (paperback)

Book author: Sunnie Day
Publisher: Laurus Books
Published: July 17, 2012
ISBN: 13: 978-1-938526-12-1
Price: $12.95 at Amazon

Sunnie Day

Sunnie Day's Biography: (From the author's Amazon page)

I was raised in the military and spent most of my adult life associated with the military life, traveling to many places stateside and overseas. Having raised four beautiful children, they have now graced me with four amazing grandchildren.

I enrolled in nursing school rather late in life, but after 18 years of a wonderful career in nursing, I retired this year. There was a time in my life, over 30 years ago, that I loved to write but somehow it was put on the back burner until this past year.

These past two years have been a whirlwind as I began to put my pen to page. The words began to flow from me like a fast moving river, bringing with it many new adventures that I never dreamed.

I published my first children's book called "Sunnie and her Peeps." The inspiration came from retiring and raising raising six chickens. I then found myself publishing a few eBooks and have a new book on the horizon called "When Delilah Smiles" that will be coming out soon.

I enjoy my new found love as a creative writer and find my days are filled with many inspirations to draw from. My greatest hope is that my writing inspires and encourages others. 

Other Books by Sunnie Day:

Sunnie and Her Peeps

The Insignificant Penny

Train to Nowhere

Au revoir Stilettos

The Magical Victrola

The Reluctant Good Son

Sunnie's Inanimates Speak

Saving Bluebell

God's Playbook

Living With Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome - Take a Couple of Tylenol's and You'll Be Fine

. . . Take a couple of Tylenol's and you'll be fine

. . . Oh, I have those pains too 

. . . Everyone has pain

Meditate and yoga are all you need

Living With Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome - I'm Still in Pain!

Even after all this time since I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, I can tell that most of the people who are close to me, have absolutely no clue what it means to live with these illnesses.

Perhaps it's my own fault, I may not have explained thoroughly what kind of effect these two illnesses does have on me and my life? After all, most of the time, I'm embedded in this thick fog, called fibro-fog, with the outcome, my mind and speech does not cooperate, and often, I have difficulties remembering words. When I try to explain, it usually do not come out the way I had planned it in my own head, and it may sound unclear and confusing to you, and believe me, it's extremely confusing to me, with the outcome, I feel dumb and slow.

Perhaps it's because when my friends and family do see me, they see me only on those days when I feel fairly well, not realizing, my pain is still with me and so are my exhaustion. They assume, I must feel fine, pain free and full of energy, since I join them for a stroll in the park or go shopping together. They do not understand, it's tiring and exhausting to present myself to them as normally as possible, not letting them understand how much pain I'm in.

This chronic fatigue and pain-based illnesses can fluctuate quite rapidly from one day to another. Or from one hour to another. Just because, I took a nice walk in the forest yesterday, doesn't necessarily mean, I can repeat this today. And since I took that nice walk in the forest yesterday, my pain and fatigue have escalated. and I'll pay for it dearly today, the day after, and many times, even longer.

On those days when I'm up and around, I feel strong mentally. That's the only difference from those days when I can't crawl up from bed, but remember, I'm hanging on by the thinnest of threads since my pain and exhaustion are pretty bad. Each step I take in the park are filled with pain and exhaustion. The loud noise in the movie theater is terrible painful to my ears, and  it will take days to recover from it. All those cars and people on the street, leaves me unfocused and tired. The bright lights and loud noises in the stores, turn my fibro-fog into a nightmare. Trying to follow a conversation leaves my mind and body exhausted .

So please, do not assume I'm fine just because you see me up and walking. Do not assume I'm pain free and full of energy. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. It takes all of my willpower and energy to be up and out of my safe, quiet environment. However, I too, want to live once in a while, so I push myself to do things, but please remember, I'm still in pain, and tomorrow, I'll pay for it dearly.